Friday, August 24, 2007

Today's thoughts.

These are the things went through my head today. They are also reasons why I should seek psychiatric help.

- Whoever came up with the phrase "never say never" was a fucking idiot. I can think of plenty of times when "never" is a great thing to say. For instance, I NEVER want to be anally raped. I feel quite pleased with myself for that statement. I NEVER want to have a child die from SIDS. I think that's a good, healthy thing to say. Fuck the guy who said "never say never."

- When you wash towels in the laundry, do you feel just a little strange when you put them in the dryer? Like somehow, you're defeating their purpose? Maybe it's just me.

- Most automatic cars have a first and second gear available for use on hills and such. Now name me one automatic car driver that has any clue which of those two gears should be used in which situation. Personally, I think they're just there to make certain automatic car drivers wear down their gears at the same rate as manual car drivers do.

- The Dodgers seem to have gotten back on their feet this past couple weeks, but during that horrid losing streak that put them in fourth place in the N.L. West... how should I put this... for a team with that much potential to do that poorly for that extended of a period of time? Frankly, the last time I can think of a team screwing up so badly was in 1919. I won't name the team, but let's just say they came from Chicago and lost the World Series.

- Let's say two claustrophobic people get along really well. Now if someone describes their companionship as "like two peas in a pod..." do they get uncomfortable?

- Fuck World of Warcraft.

- Why does scented toilet paper exist? Exactly who is purposely sniffing the stuff? Before or after?

- Will someone please explain to me the appeal of Robin Thicke? Besides him being the son of Alan, of course. He's on every single goddamned MTV channel all the time, and I don't know why.

- "Brand new from Noxema, new Ethnic Cleanser! Wipe that race... right off your face!" (yeah, I know that's in pretty poor taste, but c'mon, the rhyme's kinda catchy)

- I just watched Robocop today for the billionth time, after purchasing the new DVD of it which came out this past Tuesday (making this the third time I've bought the movie... but this time, the set has the unrated version of the film with DTS sound! How could I refuse?!). Now, I absolutely adore this movie, as it is not only a key piece of late-80's pop culture, it's also a deliciously delightful satire of corporate America and the culture of corruption, which gets more and more poignant with each passing year (I swear I didn't crib that description, that's what actually came to mind... seriously, I'm not gay). "Pakistan's invading my borders!" Genius.

Anyway, as much as I love this movie and everything in it, there's one issue I have with it, which has bugged me since the first time I saw it. Namely, the scene when Robocop takes off his helmet, exposing the face of Murphy for the first time. See, here's the thing... through the entire movie up until that point, his chin and neck are covered by a rubberized black neckpiece. But once he takes off the helmet, AND ONLY THE HELMET, that neckpiece suddenly disappears! Not only is his chin exposed, but also his entire neck! WHERE THE HELL DID THE NECKPIECE GO?!

I suppose I should be happy my life is in good enough shape that I can actually consider that an important question. Of course, I might be using trivial bullshit like that to mask the real issues that I'm unwilling to face.

Guess the psychiatrist will know for sure...


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