Saturday, June 16, 2007

Something that's been puzzling me...

Look, I'm all about the ridiculousness of stereotypes. I'm totally about tearing them down, and proving they're not necessarily true.

For instance, I know quite a few Jews, and none of them are greedy, or have huge noses.

I know a few black people, and from the knowledge we've shared, their dicks are no bigger than mine. Well, not always, anyway. And a couple of them, I can actually jump higher than.

I've met a few Indians that have nothing to do with convenience stores.

And I've met Native Americans that can drink in moderation.

But I swear to God... until I meet an Oriental NASCAR driver, I will refuse to believe they have any skill behind the wheel.

And hey, before someone gets on my case for using the term "Oriental," can I please point out that if I use the word "Asian," then I include Indians, Arabs, and even a couple post-Soviet Bloc countries? I mean shit, they're all in Asia.

Right now, this ridiculous war we've created in Iraq? Hey, guess what?! Iraq's in Asia! Right now, our troops are fighting in Asia! And some people can't find a connection between this war and Vietnam...

Anyway, the point is, after careful study (my focus group includes every drive I've taken to get to work in the past three years), almost every accident I've almost been in would have been caused by an Oriental woman in a minivan (again, I understand the term "Oriental" can be considered racist by some, but you have to understand, it wasn't a Saudi in a burka that almost killed me a number of times, it was a woman of Eastern Asian descent, and since I was unfortunately not close enough to be able to distinguish Korean from Chinese from Japanese from Cantonese, etc., which amazingly, I'm actually usually pretty decent at, I have to go with Oriental, as that's the old word for that side of Asia... and hey, if someone's got a better word, I'll be happy to use it).

You know, now that I think of it, perhaps an Oriental man will someday be able to prove himself behind the wheel on a test track. After all, in all the close calls I've had driving to work, it's almost never an Oriental man driving that minivan which wants to run me into a narrow ditch. It's always a woman. With straightened hair cropped to her neckline. It's the women I doubt.

I wonder if it's the same one...

Yeah, this blog's gonna get me lots of sex, you betcha. But that's okay. That's not what I care about.

Oh, hey, by the way, after a yearlong absence... I'm back. Burn, baby, burn. Etc.


Blogger Midlife Virgin said...

Well, since I'm only a quarter Oriental, I guess I'm just a bad driver one-fourth of the time. On behalf of the female half of my race, I apologize. I, however, apparently drive like a male racecar driver so maybe there is hope!

7:22 AM  
Blogger Mets said...

You were away?

8:16 PM  

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