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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Match.com chick hates me.

Well, maybe she doesn't hate me... but she sure doesn't have a good impression of me.

Here's the story... so I was sitting in front of my computer bare-assed naked tonight... and before the retarded 13-year olds that read this shit get all vomitory over the concept, figure it's 3:30am, it's warm in my bedroom, and I don't feel like turning on the A/C, so why the hell should I not be in a state of undress? Unless the Dali Lama or my dead grandmother is about to burst through my door and catch me, I can't think of any reason why not.

Anyway, so me and my cock were signing off of MySpace. Now before I continue in this story, please be aware that I'm one of the very few smart people in this world that actually angle their computer monitors down, so that I'm sitting above it and looking downwards at the screen, thus saving my eyes quite a load of strain. If you didn't know that you were supposed to do this, then congratulations, I just G.I.Joe'd your ass, you are now prepared to go fight half a battle.

So mind you, the screen is looking down. Now, when you sign off of MySpace currently, it's almost a given that one of those stupid "Flash video that's supposed to look like live webchat" Match.com ads is gonna dead center in the middle of the screen. Which in this scenario was definitely the case. And this is what that Match. com screen looked like:


Notice she's looking downward. Now imagine your monitor is at the same angle that mine is at, and you can immediately guess where she's looking on my naked self. So immediately, the question springs to my mind...

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT LOOK SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! But it gets worse...

Great, so now she's cracking up. She's laughing at my manhood. Wow, way to boost my self-esteem, Match.com. You pigfuckers.

Now, being that these are still shots, I can't quite get across the length of time she sat there laughing. Rest asssured, it was quite a while. And then, she calms down and does this:

Taking a drink. Great. While still observing my package. Getting her thoughts together. Which means she's either debating, contemplating, or just plain disturbed. I'd like to think contemplating...


...but since she's obviously attempting to ignore me here by finding anything else she can possibly look at, possibly looking for help from someone in the studio? I imagine it's probably revulsion on her part.

Which makes me curious now as to whether these little webcam animations are actually that, or possibly more? Could these random women actually be live, and peering into our rooms, checking out our junk when we're dressed for the womb?

Or have I just had a couple too many Mai Tais?

Of course, that would account for shrinkage, in which case she probably wouldn't be very impressed...

I guess I'll never truly know for certain.

I just wonder how she can see me when I don't have a webcam hooked up...

2 Comments:

Blogger Mets said...

Not everyone is looking at your johnson Mister Pleather pants.

8:10 AM  
Anonymous T. Ryan said...

At least she's not gnawing away on a sucker and giving her best glazed over "you wanna do you some humpin'?" look. Most of those ads have about as much subtlety as the production designer for Warrent's Cherry Pie video.

6:46 AM  

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