Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Taking a quick break from Kimberly...

First off, let me thank all of you who have been enjoying my Kimberly blogs, especially those of you commenting on them, and those who are now reading deeper into my archives of rants and raves and random bullcocky.

I'd also like to hand out a special big thanks to Ape Lad, whose "Mayor of Nepal" pic was what inspired me to go off on a tangent like this in the first place; and one to Roland, who pointed out to me this morning that Kimberly has indeed changed the image up a bit on her website... I'll be talking about that a bit at some point tomorrow.

In the meantime, however, I'm a little irked about something. A little something, too, weighing in at 7lbs., 8oz., and measuring in at about 20 inches long.

(This space reserved for every pre-adolescent minded penis joke that's running through all your heads right now)

What's irking me, is Tom and Katie's new baby.

(We're done with the penis jokes now? Okay, let's continue)

Now, I don't care that they had a baby, good for them. We've yet to live in a post-apocalyptic future where the only people allowed to breed are genetically superior rulers of the status quo, so shit, let them have as many babies as they want (I'm sure their Scientologist Overlords will be very pleased with that prospect).

What gets to me is how everybody seems to care so damned much. I checked my Myspace account this afternoon (yes, I'm on that site, and no, I'm not a child molester, and no, don't ask me to add you as I only add people I actually know in real life, and NO MORE FUCKING BANDS!), and the first thing I saw were four, count them, FOUR fucking bulletins in a row proclaiming the birth! All I can ask myself is, WHY?!

I checked a few different media websites, and as I had expected, they all had TOP stories about the event (CNN was where I got the birthweight from... normally I wouldn't give a shit about that kind of info, but I needed it to make my segueway interesting, please forgive me). And weird side stories as well. Even the Huffington Post, a site which I normally love and admire, was carrying a story from The Mirror about Tom wanting to eat the placenta (and no, I'm not linking that, as I only link to stupid bullshit at times, not obvious bullshit)!

There are 14.1 million babies born in the U.S. every year, which is 1.1 some-odd babies born every month, which is... well, it's a shitload of babies born every day! Now, where's the press for them? Where's the hooplah? Where's the media coverage for every other human being brought into the world? What makes this baby so much more special than every other baby, except for that it's parents are celebrities?

Absolutely nothing, that's what. Although I will admit the name "Suri" is quite beautiful (again info garnered from CNN, not my fault).

Rest assured, however, if I ever marry a Katie, Katherine, Kat, or similar sounding name, and someone decides to dub our firstborn "Damkitty?" Yeah, I'll make quite sure to respond to them by slapping baby's first dirty diaper in that person's face.


Blogger Diana Rowe Pauls said...

I think that you and I must be the only two people in the world who couldn't give a crap about that baby. Babies are sweet and all, but it's not like it's the new Messiah or Kate is the first woman who has given birth or whatever. Can we please start admiring people who actually make the world a better place to live in, rather than these mindless people who think they are little gods and goddesses because they play one on TV?

11:21 PM  

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