Saturday, December 31, 2005

2005 Appendix D: Things I learned from GTA: San Andreas (V2.0)

Taken from Damian's Myspace blog, 05 Jul 05 Tuesday:

So I finally finished playing GTA: San Andreas this weekend, after months and months of time spent on it, running through every single mission and side mission, completing every goal, doing every possible thing that I could in that game. A couple hundred hours of gametime later, I finally finished. And I learned some valuable life lessons as well.

- As long as one isn't in the direct eyeline of a police officer, one can pretty much commit any illegal act of violence without them noticing.

- Pedestrians run in terror from low-flying helicopters, but the idea of a man landing two feet away from them in a jetpack doesn't bother them much at all.

- When street gangs attack you, they will always come after you in three waves, each successive wave with more members than the group proceeding. Luckily, you'll usually be able to find a kevlar vest lying on the street for protection.

- If a police officer sees you attempting anything illegal, he will try to murder you. If you do multiple illegal things, sooner or later the National Guard will be called upon, and they'll send tanks after you. However, if you go home immediately afterwards and take a nap, they'll forgive you and completely forget any wrongdoings.

- It is possible to carry on your person a rocket launcher, minigun, sniper rifle, mutiple assault rifles, a shotgun, a handgun, an explosive device, a blunt or sharp instrument, thermal goggles, and a double-sided dildo. However, carrying a knife and a golf club at the same time is completely out of the question.

- Apparently, the rooftop of a Compton-styled slum house can support the weight of a Harrier jet.

- Falling 800 feet through the air is a painful experience that will most likely kill you. However, doing the same thing on a motorcycle not only insures safety, but also earns you money.

- The owners of skyscrapers like to leave parachutes on top of their buildings, just in case a basejumper makes it up to the top, only to realize they've forgotten theirs.

- No matter how many times you flip a car, it will always keep going if it lands right side up. However, if you land on the side or upsidedown, you've got about eight seconds before the vehicle explodes and kills you.

- Women like to be given flowers on dates, but if you give them a vibrator, they'll be much more appreciative.

- The sight of a man swimming while wearing a three-piece suit doesn't seem to bother people.

- People in rural communities can't seem to get enough of hot dog vendors, especially when they come around in Oscar Mayer Weiner trucks.

- All fast food chains serve salad.

- Eating oysters increases your chances at the roulette table.

- When a city decides to riot, even if you're the head of the neighborhood gang, you can walk straight through a group of people looting, burning buildings, and shooting police officers, and they'll pay no attention to you. Unless of course you decide to chase after a crooked cop, in which case they'll routinely firebomb your car.

- Sneaking up behind people and garroting them with a knife is a lot of fun, especially when you do it on the beach in broad daylight with dozens of witnesses around.

- Police seem to have about as much luck finding their brakes as Rex does on Star Tours.

- no one seems to mind a tubby black guy, covered in tats with a huge afro, running around in his boxers.

I lied before, there's not much more that I learned. Well, there's a little more, but I'm too tired right now to think of it, so we'll save it for later.


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