Thursday, March 23, 2006

Thought Of the Day

Wanna have some fun? Here's how. Go up to someone and ask them if they're pro-life or they're pro-choice. If they say pro-life, ask them why. Chances are they'll say something along the lines of "every life is sacred."

Next, ask them if they're also pro-death penalty, and then stand back and watch them squirm.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I am now a complete and total loser.

I decided to relax with a bottle of wine tonight, and so I stopped by my local liquor store on the way home from work. They sell a large selection of wines, ranging anywhere from cheap $3.00 bottles, to $100+ bottles of rich bitch crap.

I, not being able to afford top shelf price for a drink that I know I'll have finished the complete bottle of within a couple hours, usually go for say, a larger $7.00 bottle (still pricey compared to Two-Buck Chuck, so I feel I'm splurging).

There's a $7.00 Shiraz I've been content with for a while that I normally would have picked up, but I was in more of a Merlot kind of mood (and who isn't on a Tuesday?). So I picked a Merlot that was right under the Shiraz, and low and behold, it was on sale for $5.00! What a bargain!

I brought it home, sat down, and eagerly grabbed my super-duper brand spankin' new butterfly bottle opener (at least, I think that's the name for them, the kind with the handles that raise as you twist the corkscrew?). Not bothering to unseal the bottle, I stuck the screw in, and pushed it down.

The corkscrew pushed in a little ways, and some metal came up, presumably from the seal. As I twisted, I noticed the screw wasn't going very far, so I pushed harder. A slight brownish cork-looking substance began to push up out of the hole, and I realized I'd better start again. So I did.

This time, the corkscrew pushed in a little... and then went all the way down. Oh christ, I thought, I must have just destroyed the cork! So I took the edge of the screw, cut into the seal, opened it up...

...and revealed a screw-cap underneath. A screw-cap with a large hole in it, jagged plastic and metal surrounding the edges.

Yes, not only did yours truly buy a cheap bottle of wine with a screw-cap... but yours truly also managed to try and open it with a corkscrew.

I am now a complete and total loser.

Funny thing about making strange noises with your lips...

It's oddly enough, a very entertaining thing to do when bored.

It also ridiculously irritates your co-workers to no end.

Which can also be, oddly enough, a very entertaining thing to do when bored.

And the circle of life continues...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Why I don't trust the mainstream media.

Image taken from

Really, should any group that misspells the name of what they're supposedly presenting be considered a trusted source of information?

We live in a Puritan country.

And here's why it sucks:

England, that country the Puritans left so as to find "religious freedom?" Yeah, well that country has Page 3 girls. Show me a major newspaper in the States that has that.

That's what I thought.

Puritan assholes.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Goddamn You, Disney.

So the Pirates of the Carribean is being renovated starting March 6th, and will reopen in June. Okay, no big deal... and hey, they want to make the ride look it's sparklingest in time for the new movie, good for them. The ride seriously needs a cleanup, and a sound and light upgrade can only improve it.

So why am I pissed? Three words: Captain Jack Sparrow.

Yes, these motherfuckers have decided to add Johnny Depp as an animatronic to the ride, fully vocalized, with new music cues surrounding him.

So unnecessary. And so commercial. Dammit, John Lasseter is supposed to be saving the parks... why the hell is he letting this happen?

I'll give them this; if they at least take the food trays away from the women being chased (a stupid PC change from the mid-90's that just looks lame... apparently, it's okay for pirates to steal, murder, and cause random acts of wanton violence, hell it's even okay for them to sell women at an auction! But they better not chase said women around, cause that's WRONG), I won't complain about the presence of Captain Jack. I'll hate it, but I won't complain. Dammit.

Well, that's not completely true, I have one more thing that needs fixing, namely, this:

What's wrong here, you ask? Simple. The pirate ship's sail is down. It's been down for a couple years now. And thanks to this boneheaded idea, one of the most famous hidden Mickeys in the park is GONE! That great, fantastic illusion, where the lead pirate would turn his head, and as he did, the shadow of his hat would form a sillhouette of Mickey Mouse. A great trick, designed by one of the original Imagineers on the project... and gone, thanks to some corporate boneheaded bullshit.

Goddammit. Fix it.