Thursday, February 23, 2006

Another survey...

Been a while since I've posted one of these things, but as this incredibly lame survey as been going around for a while, I felt obligated to do it. Mainly because I just need something to do right now. I'm bored. Someone hold me.

A - Available? Not for purchase, no. Possibly for rental, or for parties.
A - Age: The Bronze Age was interesting. Stone Age was okay. Age Of Innocence, bleah.
A - Annoyance: You ever try and open a twist-off cap, only to find that the precut part wsn't cut well, and the top won't come off? And then you keep trying, cause you're fuckin' thirsty, but just make a mess of the thing. That pisses me off.

B - Best Friend? A boy's best friend is his mother. But thankfully, I'm a man, so my best friend is an invisible leprechaun that lives under my bed and tells me stories about Taoist superheroes.
B - Birthday? No more birthdays for me for a while, thank you. The last one was a little more lasting than i needed.

C - Car: It's interesting how the lettering system of this survey so closely mirrors an ABC book I had as a child. Except there are no pictures. That sucks. Oh, and yes I have a car. I live in LA, how could I not.
C - Cat: I also have one of these. She's cute. And evil. Like all women.

D - Dead Pets Name: Don't tell me, I need to give you my grandmother's maiden name and the name of the street I grew up on for this? Yeah, fuck off.
D - Dads Name: He only tells me his aliases.
D - Dog: Gimme a pound.

E - Easiest person to talk to: A mute parapelegic. You can tell them anything.
E - Eggs: I've got them, yes.
E - Email: Are you fucking kidding? I'm just gonna put my email out for a dataminer to grab? I get enough spam about generic Cialis, thank you.

F - Favorite color? The color of money. It's in the way that you use it.
F - Food: What about it? Do I want some? How the fuck am I supposed to answer one-word questions?
F - Foreign Slang: You're a foreign douchebag. How was that?
F- Future Plans: Kicking the ass of whoever wrote this piece of shit survey.

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Let's see, one is a tasty candy or a classic kid's show, the other is a parasite that lives in my intestines and feeds off my excrement. Hmm... I'll have to think about it.
G - God: Sometimes you just don't come through. Bitch.

H - Hair Color: I don't care if the carpet matches the drapes, as long as they're well color-coordinated.
H - Height: 6'0". 4'2" in heels.
H - Happy: Gilmore? What the fuck is this asking?

I - Ice Cream: you scream, we all scream when someone's jammed a thousand needles into our individual eye sockets. I don't scream for ice cream though.
I - Instrument: In my high school yearbook the heading under my photo says "most likely to become an Instrument of Pain." Don't know what that means exactly.
I - Idol: You doll, we all doll... eh, fuck that.

J - Jewelery: yes, I know how to spell it properly. "Jewelry." Cockwhore.
J - Job: He had some problems, didn't he? I think. Could never really figure out the point of that story.

K - Kids: Incorporated, K! I! D! Asshole.
K - karate: Do people still train for this shit? Seriously, Cobra Kai could get their collective asses kicked by practically any other martial art. Hell, even Tai Chi might stand half a chance.

L - Longest Car Ride: Six days across country. I was in the trunk, too.
L - Longest Relationship: I no longer measure relationships in time, only in amounts of pain. In which case the least painful lasted about 4 hours.
L - Love: my way, it's a new road. I follow, where my mind goes.

M - Mothers Name: I plead the fifth. Just like they made me do in court.
M - Movie Last Watched: I can't say the title, but I swear that all participants were over the age of 18.

N - Number of Siblings: None living. Yeah, you don't know HOW to feel about that answer, do you?
N - Northern or Southern: Western. There's more than two directions, asshole.
N - Name: Name what? That tune?

O - One wish? I wish there were less letters in the english alphabet. God, why can't this thing be over yet...
O - One Phobia? Discophobia. I don't have it, but it's the first one to pop in my head.

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: Thankfully divorced. Hey, that's the first real answer I've given, I think!
P - Part of your Personality you like best: My enormous cock. It's very personable.

Q - Quote: "You know what sounds fun? Hanging myself with a belt while I masturbate. Think I'll try that." - Michael Hutchence

R - Reason to smile: Getting laid. I've been frowning a lot lately.
R - Reality TV Show: Buck Rogers In The 25th Century.
R - Right or Left: Can't a person be ambidextrious? You fucker.

S - Song Last Heard: "Please, God, Don't Kill Me" - My Last Victim
S - Season: Oregano. Makes everything better. Even sex (probably why I haven't gotten laid lately, seems no one believes me when I tell them that).
S - Sex: Male. Dumbass.

T - Time you woke up: Ten something, I think..
T - Time Now: 7:41pm.
T - Time for bed: Whenever I pass out from all the drinking.

U - Unicorns?: Not only is this survey lame, but now it's incredibly gay.
U - U are? Again, what the fuck? Half sentences don't form a question, asshole, especially when they're written in the style of Prince. K, there's an answer for you... I am The Artist Formerly Known As Shut Your Fuckin' Piehole.

V - Vegetable you hate: Whoever wrote this cocksucker of a survey. Seriously, this survey sucks my cock.
V - Vegetable you love: Lima beans.
V - View on Politics: I refuse to express them here, as I seriously doubt whoever wrote this even came up with this question. It looks tacked on to me. Ask me again about the unicorns, bitch.

W- Worst Habits: Wasting time filling out bullshit cuntwhore surveys like this crap.
W- Where: On my computer? Or wherever else I have access to my blogs? Or is this yet again just a stupid fucking one-word question that has no point except to add another letter? God-fucking-dammit I hate this.

X - X-Rays: This is complete fucking bullshit.
X - X-xtra special someone: "Extra" starts with an E, and there's still only one X in it if you're purposely spelling it wrong, you daft cunt.

Y - Year you were born: I'm old enough to know better than to ask that. When were you born? 1996? Little bitch.
Y - Year it is now: If you don't know this, then you are a stupid goddamned mother fucker, cause seriously, your little quiz here is not gonna last through the ages, bitch. Hell, I give it six months tops, and that's only cause it'll still be new to some 14-year old cocksucker in Tennessee in June when they're finished with their homeschooling for the year and finally allowed to go online.
Y - Yellow?: You calling me chicken? Say it to my face, fucker.

Z - Zoo Animal: Your mom.
Z - Zodiac: Your mom's a whore.
Z - Zoolander? Fuck off.

No more surveys for a while. Fuck.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you for making me laugh my ass off

12:38 PM  

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